There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize