Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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