was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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