Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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