he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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