Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Someone signed my nipple.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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