put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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