everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
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Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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