So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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