It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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