Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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