Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.

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(707): im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt. http://tfl.nu/7lkv

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(+44): View more from England

Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.

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(+44): Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms. http://tfl.nu/jipl

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(678): View more from Georgia

Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.

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(678): Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth. http://tfl.nu/wet5

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(425): View more from Washington

the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side

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(425): the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side http://tfl.nu/wowf

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(480): View more from Arizona

Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

(1-480): View more from Arizona

Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

(480): View more from Arizona

You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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(480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a

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(519): View more from Ontario

I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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(519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8

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(416): View more from Toronto

He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.

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(416): He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high. http://tfl.nu/zw5l

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(630): View more from Illinois

He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

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(630): He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together. http://tfl.nu/tn1p

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(651): View more from Minnesota

This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

(507): View more from Minnesota

Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

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(651): This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease. (507): Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits. http://tfl.nu/blof

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(905): View more from Ontario

My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.

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(905): My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again. http://tfl.nu/lu9i

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.

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(732): Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age. http://tfl.nu/drps

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.

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(908): Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad. http://tfl.nu/akuu

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(212): View more from New York

LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.

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(212): LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen. http://tfl.nu/na6f

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(562): View more from California

It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.

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(562): It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which. http://tfl.nu/ynpd

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(719): View more from Colorado

I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.

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(719): I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room. http://tfl.nu/d9w2

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