I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
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what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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