Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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