I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
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How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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