The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize