My friends, they love my intelligence
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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