i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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