I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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