Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize