Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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