he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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