My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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