I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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