Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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