Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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