2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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