i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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