He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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