this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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