just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize