i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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