woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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