I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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