How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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