I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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