I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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