Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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