I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize