Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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