We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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