I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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