he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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