wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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