All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize