Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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