tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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