to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize