True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize