after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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